Redeem this text for a blowjob
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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