I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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