then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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