fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
