Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
