Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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