Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
