my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
