Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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