smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
