I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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