i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
