Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
