i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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