I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
