So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My ATM looks so different sober.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
