It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
