Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
