you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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