i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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