im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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