Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
