But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I will pee on everything he values.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
