We're like a lot better than the average bears
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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