you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
