In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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