My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
