Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
