I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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