I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
