I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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