Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
