Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
