Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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