I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
