i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
