are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
