I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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