It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
