It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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