Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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