i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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