No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
