i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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