My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
