Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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