Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
