I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
