Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
