I love black thongs
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
