The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
