A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
