I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
